I've been talking a lot about researching my family tree and those things left in closets. Some have said that sometimes things are better left there... in the past, on a closet shelf collecting dust.
To that I say; "You are WRONG!" If we don’t understand our past, we can’t learn from it and we sure can’t correct the future.
When a child is abused and no one talks about it that child may see abuse as normal and find themselves doing the same thing years later to their own children. Not knowing why they do it or how to stop themselves.
I once mentioned to my mom that I only remembered one time when she hit me. I was 5 and back talking her in the car just before school. It was a mad rush to day-care or perhaps she was taking me straight to school. I don’t remember the details, but I do remember vividly her hitting me across the face with a wooden brush.
I never remember her hitting me again…
What she said next opened my eyes to my own denial;
“God is certainly good if all you remember is the one time.”
She told me the reason daddy always handled the disciple wasn't that she wanted to make him the bad guy but because he could control himself and she wasn't sure she could.
The problem is her solution did make him the bad guy and created tension between him and me as well as my mom. Because she was unable to discipline me and wasn't comfortable talking about much of anything I lacked respect for her. Eventually I began to hate my dad and what felt like rules made to punish me instead of guide me.
Years later, with an open mind, I started researching our family history. I had heard the family rumors of my mom’s mother dying from an overdose of pills at the age of 35 and about a year later her dad dying of a heart attack. His 3rd in his 39 years of life and one that came shortly after numerous court cases with allegations of him murdering his wife, sodomizing his nephews and the start of custody battles for his 5-daughters.
In the end all the charges were dropped. But it was too late. A wife and mother who couldn't bare the humiliation of her husband’s sodomy charges chose death. He, having seen how his wife’s family regarded him made sure they didn't raise his daughters. And because his family was unable to care for all 5 at the time, he named a couple as their guardians. An older couple, no kids, questionable character but to him a safe place for his girls during all this mess.
He would have no idea that his decision
had made a bad situation worse…
So no, I won’t shut the door and toss the key. I’m yanking those doors wide open. I’m dusting off the past, finding where the demon hides and with the help of my family and much prayer, we'll expose him to the light and let him know he’s not welcome any more.
The hate, the abuse, the suicide… it stops here!