Sunday, January 13, 2013

Dragon Breath and Bleach

The husband leaves early on Sunday mornings to practice with the band before the first church service.  Which means I get our big ole king size bed to myself for an hour or so.

This morning he neglected to lock the bedroom door. 

From a sound sleep I stir when I feel something fuzzy touch my face, a not so pleasant smell hit my nose and 10 little cold appendages wiggle under my very warm and very cozy legs and neck.  I wake ready to head-butt whoever it is.  (I was having a crazy dream.)  And when I open my eyes Blondie is smiling at me; 

“Mornin’ mama.  I’s hungy.  

I suggested we sleep a little longer.  She slowly stopped talking and her fingers and toes warmed up enough that they no longer chilled me to the bone.  We almost fall back to sleep when Little Man and Karate Girl come busting in to the room asking where daddy is (Same question EVERY week.) and then launched themselves from the ottoman at the foot of the bed, right on top of Blondie and Me. 

They all giggle and wiggle as I moan and groan.  Telling them that one day I’ll electrify the door handle.  My kids of course think this is funny and ask me to do it… today if possible.  Weird kids!  

They finally sorta settle down, all 3 of them finding a way to touch me; Little Man’s hands in my hair, Blondie’s toes pinching my thighs and Karate Girl’s cold feet tucked between my calves; all chatting about something, fussing with each other and telling me in unison how much they love snuggling on Sundays.

Gah!  Don’t make this cute.  It’s not cute.  Cold fingers and toes, dragon breath and the need to dog pile me is not cute.  It’s right up there with having a car crash through your bedroom in the wee hours of the morning.  (A reoccurring nightmare of mine… I told y’all I was slightly off… didn’t I?)

This scene lasts all of 5-minutes, 6 tops.  Blondie announces she has to pee and runs off.  Seconds later I hear her yelling from the bathroom; “Mama, help!  I peed on the floor.”  The other two kids find it funny when I growl and roll out of my very warm, but very crowded bed.  

Sure enough Blondie is standing naked… because that’s how you go to the bathroom at 3… in a puddle of pee. 

I wash her off, get her dressed and then start mopping the bathroom floor with bleach.  Little Man then announces he has to go so I'm helping him as he slips across the wet floor...this is all fun for him.  I dress him and then tell Karate Girl she might as well get dressed too.  

I toss the wet rug, that I had just washed 2 days ago, back in to the washer, clean off the mop, hang it to dry and as I'm walking back through the kitchen I loving look at the coffee pot; "I'll be back friend.  It's my turn to pee and get dressed... but I'll be back."

Dragon breath and bleach; it’s how my Sunday morning started…  


  1. such is the life of a mom. but it is a little cute. ;)

  2. ugh, you're such a talented writer! love it!


Thanks for takin' the time to read my stuff. :)