Thursday, December 13, 2012


An 8-minute phone call to the husband yields disaster… on an already disastrous day. 

The phone call was about a friend of his who was killed by a police officer just this morning.  This was shocking to say the least.  My husband knew this man through his job, he always seemed level headed to him and having once been a police officer he would be fully aware of police protocol… but who knows what a person will do in the heat of the moment.  :(

While talking I hear the kids playing in the next room.  The oldest is in there so I’m not worried.  I had made snacks for them and a movie was going.  I figured I could take the time to call instead of text.  I was glad I did, he really needed to talk.  But as we’re speaking I hear something hit the ground and the oldest came running in to tell me, I just held up my hand.  I needed to listen to my husband, whatever crises could wait a few minutes. 

So I hang up, step around the corner and find the kids have thrown their bowls of rice all over the dining and living room floor.  A thousand tiny, wet pieces of grain… some on top of the TV console, others on the piano, couches and a thousand more on the floor.  Some flattened by little feet, others by toy cars.  I find Blondie standing their stark naked because in her excitement she spilled her water.  Little man is soaking wet as well, but because in his excitement he forgot to use the bathroom.

Just as this is all filtering through my head and my plan of action is forming I get a text, a second later the phone rings (two different people) and then someone knocks on the front door.  I was right next to the front door but had to go back to the kitchen to get the keys.  In my haste I slip on the wet rice.  I wish I could say I started to laugh but truth is I was trying to think of the worst cuss word I knew… but I mentally cuss every day now… I’ve run out of the good ones. 

As I open the door I find my friend on the other side with a sack full of food; fish for dinner and snacks for the kids.  Blondie runs up to her naked and hugs her leg.  My friend doesn’t even flinch.  “Hey sweetie, I’ve missed you.  Where are your clothes?”  Blondie chatters and runs off.  I back up so she can see the rice in all its glory, the discarded clothing, the tossed toys.  The bean bags and couches with their bits of rice.  As I start to say something she just says, “Breathe”. 
Batgirl was no match for Wet Rice.

And so I did.  I’m not even sure if I thanked her for the food.   She left with a smile and I locked the door, turned to the mess again and tried to decide what to do next.  First thing, everyone had to go outside.  The oldest was already.  I guess she didn’t want to be put in charge of cleaning since she witnessed it all.  But she got lucky… my phone alarm went off; it was time for Tae Kwon Do.  So I hurried and dressed the kids, and headed to the dojo. 

We’re back now, laundry is going… again.  Kids are naked… again.  Rice is still on the floor.  It’s been over an hour.  I’m guessing it’s dry enough to sweep up.  But I just want to cry.  Its’ not like I haven’t faced worse; heaven knows this is nothing compared to Sharpie on table tops and vinyl trees torn from walls.  But depression doesn’t care.  Depression doesn’t have some scale.  There is no measuring stick or level we must hit before it starts.   

You can factor in stress, but really, depression is a monster hiding in the closet.  My job is to keep pushing the beast back in.  Today he popped his head out.  I let him look around a bit, but then he pissed me off.  It’s Christmas.  I’ve dreamed of the day my kids would run in to my room Christmas morning and tell me Santa came.  I’m not letting him take that away. 

Proverbs 12:25 (NIV) 25 Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Also… I just got a Tweet from someone I’ve never met asking how I’m doing.  She was worried because of my Facebook updates today.  I actually cried when I read it… tears of joy though.  Thank you friend, God is good. 


  1. Oh dear. I just don't even know where to start! First, I am so sorry about your husband's friend. :( That must be causing a lot of confusion and sadness. You just had everything kind of pile on all at once there with no time to stop. It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Now mix those two together, overwhelmed and sad, and it's no surprise you're feeling depressed. Try to do whatever it is that helps you relax, especially once the kids are all fed and in bed. Take a hot bath or meditate or work on a project or read ... something that helps you chill. Focus on some positives and hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day! (((hugs)))

  2. love you, praying for you. craptastic day here, too. hope your tomorrow is sunnier, wishing i still lived rightthere.

  3. Tomorrow will be better. You are going to wake up tomorrow and own it. I can feel it. I'm running out of embarrassing moments that I am willing to share. I will send ya my world domination vibes- tomorrow YOU win :)

  4. Keep that monster in the closet! You are strong! You are Wonder Woman! Hang in there!!! *big hugs*

  5. way to beat that monster, Batgirl. Unfortunately, it's what all mom's have to do once in a while is just be fierce about that depression not ruining one's day. Have a better day tomorrow, yeah!?

  6. I'm so sorry - about everything, and the fact that it all happened at once. Your friend who brought the food knows that you were grateful. And the sun is going to rise tomorrow and the day has a chance to prove itself better. *hugs*


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