Monday, November 5, 2012

Lights and Angles!

Remember when your mama said, “Smile!” every time she tried to take a picture of you? It wasn't just so the recipient of the photo would think you were happy, but because it improves your face.

I don't care if you are toothless of sport a mouth full of teeth. Crooked or straight a smile lifts your face. (That was a totally lame rhyme.  Wasn’t my intention, but I won’t delete it because… well… it’s just cheesy enough it’s funny.)

Okay seriously, look at my first photo. See those hound dog jaws and sad lookin' chin? Instant face-lift with a smile, look even my cheeks have definition now. So do what ya mama told ya and SMILE!

Smile Dang It!!!

Next lesson is angles; you have to find your good angle or good side.  I remember watching an interview with one of the cutest country singers and she kept joking about not being photographed on a certain side; which I found silly because she looks cute from every angle.  <jealous font>  But nonetheless she was told by a stylist or imagine consultant, or whoever those folks are who tell you what to wear or not to wear, say or do, that she should always be photographed on a certain side. 
I used to rely on my mom, but she liked me in ruffled skirts and turtle necks which I have recently discovered flattens my already small chest and makes my large posterior even larger.  So I can see why the celebs pay money… no judgment here.  ;)
BUT since most of us aren’t celebs, we have to figure this stuff out on our own.  And really, it’s not that hard.  I did a little film strip or comic strip as I like to call it of my “angles”, and it’s REAL easy to see what I should and shouldn’t be doing.  YIKES!
Always smile... CHECK!  Tilt the chin down... NEVER!  Find your angle: #1... NO!  #2... YES!

As I mentioned earlier I’m a bit small on top.  But no worries, I have a Poof Bra.  Forget the Wonder Bra; this bad boy makes my girls look HUGE!  Like 2 sizes bigger huge.  Skip the plastic surgery, spend the $35.  There are other variations of this bra, some cheaper some more, but I like the name Poof.  Like a magic trick, “Abracadabra, alacazoo, you have big boobs!  POOF!!” 
Okay, back to the outer wear… ;) pick what looks good.  Most profile shots are just from the chest up so a cute shirt or sweater is fine.  Matter of fact I would say don’t even worry with your skirt, jeans, shorts or pajama pants ;).  If you get too far away you can’t see your face and people really like to see who you are.  Too close and they can see that scar under you bottom lip where you bit through it when you were 9 because you ran in to a parked truck because you were too busy flirting to pay attention to what was in front of you.  Dork!  I mean… back up from the camera a bit, but not too much. 
So choose your clothes accordingly.  Small chest, were a lower cut… gives the illusion of something there.  Big chested (we’re not friends) you can wear pretty much anything (again, we’re not friends) but you have to decide do you want your girls to attract fans or do you want them to add you because of your intellect, funny prose and … oh forget it, use those girls! 


Too Far... she might need a mint.  Too Close... she might be a stalker.  Just Right...

To Edit or Not To Edit
I only just recently found a place to edit my photos.  I mean, not that there aren't TONS to choose from, but I like my editing to be stupid proof.  So I just leave my editing to cropping out the toddlers trying to get in the picture and my left leg pushing them out of the shot.  (You do what ya gotta do.)  But I just found and even though they don't pay me...yet.  I <3 them like a fat girl <3's chocolate... and coffee... and my Poof Bra.  Here's the final picture with very, very basic editing.  Cause I ain't all smart and stuff.

Basic Cam Photo  /   Basic Editing


Actually, I can't help you out here. See, my computer backs up to a very large kitchen window. I can only regulate the light by using the blinds or the time of day. And since most of the time I'm online when the kids are playing... it's the middle of the day. And in Texas that means sun and lots of it. In most of my photos I don't have a nose. And I'm okay with that. A photographer could tell you what to do, but truthfully I like my too bright photos. They wash away the wrinkles, blemishes and that pesky scar. (Actually you can't really see it, but I like the story.)

So I’ll let you do what you want here. Oh heck, do whatever you want anyway. I just did this because nearly 4-years ago a friend asked how I looked so cute in my profile photos. At first I was like, "Woman! Whatcha tryin' to say?!" Then I was all, "Hey, thanks!" Cause I just don't have the energy to think about these things too long. ;)

Whatever you do, have fun. Show your personality. I smile… a lot, anyone who's ever been around me can attest to it. It's probably annoying, but damn it my parents were cheap which meant at 18 I forked out the money to have 4 teeth pulled, braces put on and a god-awful retainer that never fit right.  So I could smile with confidence. Oh and two laminates to fix the tooth that I mentioned earlier that went through my bottom lip… it chipped and discolored, I paid money to fix it.



  1. Hi there! I found you on the blog hop and am now a new follower. I'd love a follow back at and Pinterest! I follow all of my Pinterest followers :)

    1. Thank you and I'm on my way to your page now. :)

  2. Ha! I love that you mention pj pants. For the epistolarian blog, I was warring full on pajamas with a scarf. You couldn't tell!
    You did a great post!

    1. I would have said yoga pants, but I don't want anyone getting that unnecessary visual of me. ;) And Thank You!!

  3. haha, I loved EVERY single bit. You're too funny :D :D "USE THOSE GIRLS!" man, i wish I had some too!

    1. Tommy won't let me get them, so we've agreed if he dies first I'm using part of his insurance for them. My luck we'll be in our 70's or 80's. ;)

  4. New Follower =) looking forward to reading your posts

  5. Thank you for linking up with Super Sunday Sync this week. Hope to see you next week!

  6. Some really great advice mixed in with your humor. I totally smiled the whole way through and probably looked awesome ;) New fan for sure!

  7. So glad MJ @mommy needs a latter suggested for us to read this!!!!! I love it, I am already a fan of your fb page but will definitely be following closer now!!!!!


Thanks for takin' the time to read my stuff. :)